i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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