I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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