this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
