You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
