Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
