She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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