so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
