im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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