my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
