if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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