oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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