My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
