Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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