yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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