Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

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  (810): Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses? http://tfl.nu/v432
  Replies (11) Good night (1136) Bad night (849)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.

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  (910): I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card. http://tfl.nu/3mw9
  Replies (66) Good night (1100) Bad night (3300)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.

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  (516): I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates. http://tfl.nu/jgwf
  Replies (89) Good night (5939) Bad night (1579)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for

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  (304): She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for http://tfl.nu/s392
  Replies (19) Good night (3818) Bad night (1334)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  Soulmates.

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  (301): He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?" (1-301): Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/8tiz
  Replies (28) Good night (4452) Bad night (1402)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition

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  (610): i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition http://tfl.nu/g0ip
  Replies (14) Good night (940) Bad night (5123)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment

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  (608): we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment http://tfl.nu/hmt1
  Replies (17) Good night (1179) Bad night (4847)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1

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  (419): So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1 http://tfl.nu/tz8w
  Replies (35) Good night (6804) Bad night (1232)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?

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  (614): Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right? http://tfl.nu/mfqu
  Replies (5) Good night (893) Bad night (3243)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.

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  (817): I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started. http://tfl.nu/bmag
  Replies (24) Good night (3457) Bad night (1160)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?

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  (515): Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this? http://tfl.nu/vht4
  Replies (6) Good night (879) Bad night (600)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!

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  (276): Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?! http://tfl.nu/n7jl
  Replies (4) Good night (414) Bad night (699)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small

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  (425): My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small http://tfl.nu/0a34
  Replies (5) Good night (872) Bad night (341)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.

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  (506): That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers. http://tfl.nu/8tel
  Replies (2) Good night (1020) Bad night (364)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.

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  (484): You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist. http://tfl.nu/h22k
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (397)

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