Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

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(650): Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls? http://tfl.nu/pg74

Replies (9) Good night (868) Bad night (1514)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.

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(734): Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid. http://tfl.nu/qckj

Replies (33) Good night (763) Bad night (4288)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning

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(480): I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning http://tfl.nu/5v1w

Replies (17) Good night (2750) Bad night (3405)
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(647): View more from Ontario

It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.

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(647): It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task. http://tfl.nu/hv7g

Replies (30) Good night (6188) Bad night (1005)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.

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(828): I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995. http://tfl.nu/siku

Replies (17) Good night (2716) Bad night (731)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

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(402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629

Replies (44) Good night (6217) Bad night (1505)
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(613): View more from Ontario

ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

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(613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19

Replies (33) Good night (5956) Bad night (1300)
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(210): View more from Texas

i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

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(210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m

Replies (13) Good night (4931) Bad night (1689)
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(573): View more from Missouri

We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.

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(573): We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old. http://tfl.nu/bm7p

Replies (5) Good night (1830) Bad night (1089)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes

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(410): I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes http://tfl.nu/6kum

Replies (3) Good night (1757) Bad night (670)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight

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(636): Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/6533

Replies (17) Good night (833) Bad night (4332)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.

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(803): She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/t2n2

Replies (12) Good night (667) Bad night (1405)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises

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(410): I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises http://tfl.nu/f0t9

Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (405)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.

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(651): Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine. http://tfl.nu/yt5n

Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (295)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.

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(330): I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why. http://tfl.nu/4y6b

Replies (3) Good night (991) Bad night (289)

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