I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.