Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.