His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.