and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
