I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
