Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
