Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
third nipple confirmed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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