Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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