At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
