giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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