Midget sex pt 2 tonight
even my farts smell like vagina
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
