Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
