lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
