What did we do last night that was yellow?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
