He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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