He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
