I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
