I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
