You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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