It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
