You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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