Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
