Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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