3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
