They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
