How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize