Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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