I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
