just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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