Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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