I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sober January is a disaster.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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