Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
