It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
