Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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