don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In other news, I just burned my penis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
