allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
