Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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