i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
