Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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