My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
