we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
