My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
