she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I would ride that face into the sunset
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
