Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
