oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I understand Curling. That high.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dicks are not precious.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
