I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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