drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
