Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
