Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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