Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
