Swine flu. Run for my life!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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