I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
