cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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