dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
