Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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