You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
