so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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