Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
