I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
