Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
