I faked an abortion last night.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
