i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
