You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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