hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize