he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
